Down the Hall and to Your Right

Do you ever feel like an impostor in your own life? Lately that's how I have been feeling. For whatever reason it just occurred to me that the teachers I work with see me as a peer. Simply put, this boggles my mind. How can teachers who are clearly professionals and obviously know exactly what they are doing speak to me as though I am a professional who knows exactly what she is doing? It doesn't make sense. I am supposed to be the student, the teachers are supposed to be telling me what to do; not looking to me for input on how to deal with something.

It feels as though my life has moved forward into the professional world but my mind is still stuck back in school. At times I feel as though I can relate more to the dum dum in the back of the room trying to lick their elbow than the teacher in the front of the room explaining how to find the percent of a number. After all, I have spent 17 years being put into the category of the dum dum (aka student) and only 8 months (!) as the professional. My mind has obviously not caught up with the rest of my life.

For example, today I was walking through the hallway on my way to PE when a voice pierced through my thoughts. "Where's art? Where's art? Excuse me, where is art?" Suddenly it dawned on me that this child was speaking to me! He was asking me where his art class is. This little question set off a series of thoughts. Wait, he was asking me which clearly means he identified me as an adult. And not just any adult but as the adult who would know where his art class is, which means he must have thought I am a teacher. Oh wait, I am a teacher... Well kind of... What exactly am I?

You know the phrase fake it til you make it? That's EXACTLY what I feel like I am doing. Half the time I am making it up as I go and trying not to expose myself for the child I really am. But I am 23! Frighteningly, I'm not a little kid anymore. It's alright for these people to view me as a professional! Question is, when will I stop feeling like I'm pretending to be an adult and actually be one?

Welcome to limbo... The world between adult/student and teacher/wanna be. My name is Haley and I will be your tour guide; that is if I can find my way around this place.